Jesse Leroy Brown and Tom Hudner might have seemed like unlikely friends. Hudner was the son of a wealthy New England family. Brown was the son of African American sharecroppers. At age six, Brown wrote a letter to Franklin D. Roosevelt asking him why there weren’t any black pilots in the military. Roosevelt wrote back and told him it would change one day.

Jesse changed it. People told him the Navy would never accept a black pilot, but Jesse didn’t listen. He went to Ohio State and enrolled in a program designed to recruit college students to become pilots. After graduation, Jesse headed to flight school. It wasn’t easy. He faced opposition, but Jesse got his wings.

Jesse met Tom Hudner when they were both assigned to the USS Leyte. Hudner was Brown’s wingman, and the two men developed a close friendship. Tom said he considered Jesse family.

After the Korean War broke out, the two men flew missions with their squadron from the Leyte. Then one day Jesse’s Corsair fighter took fire over a North Korean hillside, severing the fuel line. Jesse had no choice but to crash the plane. The plain crumpled on a snowy hillside, trapping Jesse inside as flames started to lick the sides of the plane.

Watching from above, Tom made a risky move. To save his friend, Tom crashed his plane into the same clearing. He ran to the plane and tried to free Jesse from the wreckage, but Brown’s legs were pinned inside the cockpit. Hudson ran back to his plane and radioed for a chopper, telling the chopper pilot to bring an ax. For forty-five minutes, Tom and the chopper pilot tried to free Jesse. Obviously in pain, Jesse never complained or cried out. He slipped in and out of consciousness as the men tried to free him. As night closed in, Jesse asked Tom to tell his wife, Daisy, that he loved her, then passed out one last time. He didn’t appear to be breathing.

Night was falling, and the helicopter pilot said they had to go. Tom didn’t want to leave Jesse, but staying behind meant freezing to death on the Korean hillside. Tom returned to the Leyte, expecting to be court-martialed for deliberately crashing his plane. Instead, the commander nominated him for the medal of honor. Tom and his shipmates took up a collection for a college fund for Jesse’s daughter. When his hometown gave him a $9,000 reward, Tom signed it over to Jesse’s wife, Daisy, so she could also attend college. And when the Navy wanted to name a ship after Tom, he asked them to name it after Jesse instead. You can read more about their friendship in Adam Makos’s book Devotion.

Tom Hudner and Jesse Brown knew the power of friendship. They remind me of friends we see in the Bible—friends like David and Jonathan or Barnabas and Paul. They connected with one another, choosing to stand side-by-side and face the world together.

That act of connection is what defines friendship. Some people are climbers. They’re always looking around them—aware of who is ahead of them and who is behind them. Connectors see life differently. They are focused not on getting ahead themselves, but on moving over to where other people are. They think about who is on the journey with them and how they can help them. They think horizontal.

1. Friends are real. You know, just because you’re popular doesn’t mean they’re your friends. Some of you think you’ve got friends because you’ve got thousands of followers on Facebook or Twitter or Instagram. But you don’t know these people. Some of them aren’t even real people. You’re teaming up with people who don’t exist and personalities that aren’t real, and you aren’t really leading anyone. Friends are real. They are involved with you in your real life and they know you and you risk knowing them. True friendship has to involve real people who risk being real with one another.
   
2. Friends stick with one another. Proverbs 17:17 says, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.” When you’re popular, everyone sticks with you until the storm hits. Who’s willing to ride out the storm with you? Who are you willing to ride out the storm with? Those are your true friends. True friends don’t quit when the going gets tough. They don’t look past your disease or avoid you because they think they’re going to catch what you’ve got. They move to where they are so they can help you get to Jesus.
   
3. Friends help one another win. Friends don’t compete; they connect. They celebrate each other’s successes. Your friends’ successes don’t diminish yours. Celebrate it! Your friendship is not a competition. That’s what friends do. They spur one another on. They run the race together. They aren’t trying to outdo one another, but rather trying to help each other do their best. You want to be a friend? Help someone else win.

Jesus calls us friends. He didn’t call us servants—He called us friends (John 15:15). Jesus is God-made flesh. He connects with us to show us what God is like. He is real and wants us to be real with Him. He sticks with us all the way to the cross. And Jesus helps us win. He is for you. He cheers you on. Do you need friends? Look to Jesus. He knows you. He likes you. He is willing to help you become a friend of God.

What friendships do you celebrate in your life? Who are the people God has placed in your life who stick by you even when the going gets hard? Who comes alongside you so you can stand and face the world together? Tell your friends you love them and thank God for His gift of friendship.